Our young nation owned the land in-between the Ohio and Mississippi rivers, but hadn’t made them states yet. (Ohio through Minnesota, if you’re keeping track at home.) It wasn’t until 1787 that we wrote up the system for becoming a new state, and you can thank Thomas Jefferson for it: Once 60,000 people have settled somewhere, Congress can upgrade them from a “territory” to a “state.” Then it struck me: WAITASECOND THAT’S EASY! I did the math, and realized that my city has enough people for four brand-new states! Hot dog! Ha ha, findin’ loopholes, that’s my job.